The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
