i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
