I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think my fart just growled at me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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