I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
