if i can run in heels then i can drive
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
