i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize