there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
