I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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