Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
