Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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