No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this boner is exhausting
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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