I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
someone owes me an orgasm
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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