The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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