Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
