Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
