ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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