Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
