So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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