I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
