I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and she was petting her beer can
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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