I can tuck mytits in my pants
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
