The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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