i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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