No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
