I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
