Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
