Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize