We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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