so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm at about main and main street
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
