if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
