He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
