I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
