There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
