Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
