no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
