Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize