I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
