note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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