If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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