found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm just crazy horny about you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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