Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
