So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
