I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
