Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize