this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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