You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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