Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
sex in a hospital.. check
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
