walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
