Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
