Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need moral support for this bender
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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