Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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