You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
