Me too!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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