He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
