I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
