It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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