I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
