Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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