I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
