So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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