Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
