i love accidental penises.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
