I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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