dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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