I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
