I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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