I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize