well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
