One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is the high leading the old right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
