Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You did what with his pubic hair?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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