So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
