I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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