You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I just shit out all my problems.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
