im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
