oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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