1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
