I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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