thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
