We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
