Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
