Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
