I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
