my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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