i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
