I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im six kinds of drunk right now
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Life is so much better after having sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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