I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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