I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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