see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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