you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
