There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
