so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
